Fun / Life with Jesus

The Secret to My Athletic Prowess

(If you just received a blog email update with a picture of baby legs and the word, “WHY?” in your inbox, you don’t need to read any further. You got the gist of it. That, and I don’t know how to use the WordPress App.)

I haven’t gone running in about eight months, since The Baby came crashing into our lives. There are a few reasons for this:

  1. I just don’t want to. Especially running. I hate running. If you know anything about me, you know this. I have talked about this particular physical phenomenon on many occasions
  2. The Baby has been on oxygen. Doing anything, much less running,  is difficult with a 42 pound oxygen tank and a baby strapped to your chest. I signed up to be a mother, not enter military basic training where I must run across a dessert with supplies strapped to me.

Tonight, I had to return something to a local grocery store so I thought I would run up there instead of driving.

It was miraculous. Do you want to know what the secret was?

A jogging stroller.

..

WHY?! I don’t get it! I have so many questions.

It was the first time I had used it OBVIOUSLY. Why all of a sudden can I run like a gazelle streaking across the Serengeti with a jogging stroller? Why do I feel like I’m floating on a cloud instead of dying?

donkey-carrot-stickIs it the baby feet hanging out the front? Are they the carrot to my lazy donkey motivation?

 

Is this what I’ve been searching for? Was this the answer to my hatred of Elementary PE? “Hey, Coach Hagelstein! If you want me to run instead of laying face down in the middle of this track, maybe you should get me a jogging stroller and stick a pair of dismembered Cabbage Patch doll legs in there. I’ll be the Olympic champion runner of the school.”

Is it that my arms are stationary? I’ve been trying to move my arms naturally (note: TRYING to move my arms NATURALLY because nothing about running feels natural to me) all these years so I don’t look like a scary, red-faced robot who needs to poop.  Maybe the true secret is to keep my arms securely pinned to my side or maybe even pushing a pretend jogging stroller when the real one isn’t working out. How could stationary arms solve all my running problems?

After an 8 month hiatus, I went running and didn’t die and felt pretty good. All because of a baby and a jogging stroller.

It’s baffling.

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