Lately, I’ve been wondering how we’re supposed to hear God’s voice. When people say, “God spoke to me,” what does that mean? How? There are countless examples in the Bible of God speaking through the silence, through a burning bush, through men, through angels. How does He speak to us now? In the same ways? I’ve realized in the last month or so that I’ve been taught weird methods of listening to God. Are they wrong? For me, yes. Maybe not for others. They’re too subjective. So, now I’ve been left with not knowing how to hear God speak to me.
I awoke this morning to a message from a friend saying that he had spent three hours last night in prayer. I can’t really explain how I felt. Not convicted. Maybe challenged? I don’t have that kind of discipline, nay, desire to spend that much time seeking God’s will for my life. It left me a little deflated. I told God that I wanted that. I wanted to be Spirit led and I wanted to grow more intimate with Him daily.
But I didn’t know how to listen to His response. So I went to school.
It rained today. I took my cool umbrella that’s really deep and see through so it covers up my face. It’s kind of like Beth blinders. It was like a mini-traveling prayer closet. I tried to commune with Him as I was walking from class to class. I got to music and a friend wanted to see if I could do lunch. I was planning on studying in the library but I said yes anyway.
It was good. I got to bounce some ideas off of her and she asked me about house church and the Methodists. When we parted ways though, I could only think of one thing. “Who are these people and how do they have it all together?” (PS- neither of them would tell you that they have it all together but it felt that way to me today).
I went to my last class and just waited for it to be over. I got home and just slept. I was drained. When I got up, I knew that I wanted to spend focused time with God. I decided to sew and listen to classical music. Well, I was altering one of my shirts from Syria and the needle fell out of the sewing machine. I tried to put it back in but it still doesn’t work. Sorry, mom. So that was that. I was frusterated. “I’m trying to spend time with You, God. What do you want?”
His answer- “Dance.”
For those of you who don’t know me well, I like dancing. All forms. I’m not good at it but there’s something about mvoement to music that I love.
So I put on a Dashboard cd and listened to track 11. I know you might snicker at my affinity for emo music but if this Dashboard guy changed the subject of his lyrics from girls to God, you would have a psalm. I’m pretty convinced that David sang and wrote with this kind of passion. It’s nice to hear it in someone’s voice. (Right, Aaron Steele?)
So, with Dashboard playing and my coffee table pushed out of the way,
I spun. He spoke.
I’m telling you, these Sufi Muslims that spin to get closer to God might be on to something. I am completely focused when I’m in a full tilt spin. It sounds weird and I’m okay with that. God speaks to me through my movement, through the lyrics.
Remember to breathe, and everything will be okay…
Okay, God, I will.
So now, I am not perfect, nor will I ever be. But I know that I am exactly where I am supposed to be. Following my sweet Jesus…
You always make me think…thank you beth.