Today….

I ate pizza with a fork.

I had a lizard in my bathtub.

I kicked a cell phone and bled.

I watched as a customer simultaneously demanded that we pay for her ruined 250 dollar scarves and that we sew elastic into her stretched out underpants.

I said, “Oh, look at that cute baby. He looks just like a Nazi.”

I got a six year battery for my car.

I watched too much TV.

I talked about the existence of hell.

I made lemon pudding ice cubes. I haven’t tried one yet.

I fed Josh chicken doused in marinade instead of BBQ sauce.

I felt free.