Life with Jesus

I’ve been reading this fascinating piece of quality literature. It’s called Beth’s Diary. It is pink and it has a dalmation on it. PS- all grammatical errors are the purposeful.


On the cover: My class is smart but I’m smarter. The end.


July 1, 1992 (Six years old)


The Dog I hab once


I hab a dog. He was a sweet dog. Then one day my sweet dog was ded. and you and me wood be sad.


July 1, 1992


If i hab a cat


If I hab a cat i’d paint it’s legs pink. I’d spatter it blue all over.


I had a fish but then it is beb (ded).


Feb 26, 1993


I am almost the smartest one in the class. Brandon M. is the smartest one in the class and the grossest.


November 6, 1993


Dear Diary, I have really improved in handwriting [written barely illegible]. I have a boyfriend [never really a boyfriend]. his name is Chad. I like him to.


2/28/94


Chad Loudermilk and Marshall Morris both like me. Their very cute. Both of them. Chad’s cute and Marshall’s funny. How do I know they like me? You see it all started when I asked my dad to know when a boy likes you. He said “When he teases you. Why?” I changed the subject. So now the word “tease” is very serious to me.


9/1/05


Beth’s Christmas List


Stuff for Addy and Felicity


Beads


Key chains


Personel


Chad


pretty face [which i don’t remember wanting]


Leah to 2 years old


Brett


Andy


1/2/96


I was chasin Ian and so was Jessica. Jessica and I caught him and I tripped and fell flat on my face and now I have a peanut butter nose. I am going to vote for Bob Dole cause Bill Clinton is a freak show.


4/12/96


Leah started a diary. Here is what it is:


I do not like Ariel.


I do not like Heidi


Brian is a dweeb.


3/9/97


I spent the night with Emily last night and she asked complicated questions. I like to put things in a different way so I’ll put these questions in a play-like form.


Q (Emily): Do you believe in the devil?


A(Beth): I believe in an evil force.


Q: Do you think Methodists are laid back?


A: Oh yeah.


Q: Why do bad things happen to good people?


A: I can’t explain. I’m not God, Emily.


6/1/97


Dear Di,


Today in the name of God, I am a juniior higher. They kidnapped us at 7:00 and took us to the Kettle and had breakfast. I also went to the mid high sunday school class. Debbie taught us. We got a turtle named Delilah.


 


Okay, kids. Ta-ta for now. I have one more section to do but I’m older so it’s mostly the juicy stuff.

7 thoughts on “

  1. Beth’s Diary is my favorite book on the whole planet.No seriously, I could read it everyday.
    I can’t wait for the next installment,it only gets better.

  2. HAHAHAHA! The funny thing is…I actually remember us being kidnapped and taken to the Kettle for breakfast.  I don’t actually remember the converstation about the devil/Methodists/good people but I do remember having one about me never ever wanting to get married. LOL! Good times, good times. I cannot wait for the next one! I wonder if its going to include some silly Aldersgate Youth Group drama…(holding my breath in anticipation!)

  3. hahahaha.  i love it. do you still talk to emily?
    oh… and….  “Beth and Marshall sittin  in a tree..” (cause marshall just fits in the song better than chad.. plus… he’s cuter.)

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