I’ve been reading this fascinating piece of quality literature. It’s called Beth’s Diary. It is pink and it has a dalmation on it. PS- all grammatical errors are the purposeful.
On the cover: My class is smart but I’m smarter. The end.
July 1, 1992 (Six years old)
The Dog I hab once
I hab a dog. He was a sweet dog. Then one day my sweet dog was ded. and you and me wood be sad.
July 1, 1992
If i hab a cat
If I hab a cat i’d paint it’s legs pink. I’d spatter it blue all over.
I had a fish but then it is beb (ded).
Feb 26, 1993
I am almost the smartest one in the class. Brandon M. is the smartest one in the class and the grossest.
November 6, 1993
Dear Diary, I have really improved in handwriting [written barely illegible]. I have a boyfriend [never really a boyfriend]. his name is Chad. I like him to.
Chad Loudermilk and Marshall Morris both like me. Their very cute. Both of them. Chad’s cute and Marshall’s funny. How do I know they like me? You see it all started when I asked my dad to know when a boy likes you. He said “When he teases you. Why?” I changed the subject. So now the word “tease” is very serious to me.
Beth’s Christmas List
Stuff for Addy and Felicity
pretty face [which i don’t remember wanting]
Leah to 2 years old
I was chasin Ian and so was Jessica. Jessica and I caught him and I tripped and fell flat on my face and now I have a peanut butter nose. I am going to vote for Bob Dole cause Bill Clinton is a freak show.
Leah started a diary. Here is what it is:
I do not like Ariel.
I do not like Heidi
Brian is a dweeb.
I spent the night with Emily last night and she asked complicated questions. I like to put things in a different way so I’ll put these questions in a play-like form.
Q (Emily): Do you believe in the devil?
A(Beth): I believe in an evil force.
Q: Do you think Methodists are laid back?
A: Oh yeah.
Q: Why do bad things happen to good people?
A: I can’t explain. I’m not God, Emily.
Today in the name of God, I am a juniior higher. They kidnapped us at 7:00 and took us to the Kettle and had breakfast. I also went to the mid high sunday school class. Debbie taught us. We got a turtle named Delilah.
Okay, kids. Ta-ta for now. I have one more section to do but I’m older so it’s mostly the juicy stuff.
Beth’s Diary is my favorite book on the whole planet.No seriously, I could read it everyday.
I can’t wait for the next installment,it only gets better.
HAHAHAHA! The funny thing is…I actually remember us being kidnapped and taken to the Kettle for breakfast. I don’t actually remember the converstation about the devil/Methodists/good people but I do remember having one about me never ever wanting to get married. LOL! Good times, good times. I cannot wait for the next one! I wonder if its going to include some silly Aldersgate Youth Group drama…(holding my breath in anticipation!)
that was AMAZING….
the diary made my life…accompanied with home videos about Jesus dying…its doesn’t get any better
hahahaha. i love it. do you still talk to emily?
oh… and…. “Beth and Marshall sittin in a tree..” (cause marshall just fits in the song better than chad.. plus… he’s cuter.)
haha nevermind.. i should have just read your comments before posted one. i’m still so dang smart.
i’m pretty sure i’m in love with this entry.