Life with Jesus

I come before you tonight spiritually, emotionally, and physically exhausted. Today was a hard day and my first class is tomorrow. I am in the midst of God’s “tough love” part of my life and it hurts; it really does.

I gave a friend a gift that took a lot of time and effort and they completely misunderstood my intentions and that hurt.

I started tutoring at Still Creek Ranch today, which is a boys home half an hour outside of Bryan. It has maybe 30 troubled kids that use self paced “life packets” to get through school. I was assigned an eighth grade boy who was new to the school. We had to do diagnostic tests (100 questions each for 4 subjects) and he didn’t want to. We had fun. I got to know him. He spoke spanish; we bonded. It got hard when he started to refuse to do the work. He asked me why he had to do this. How do you convince someone who doesn’t really care about school that these tests are important? I didn’t. We played a tic-tac-toe type game and he could make a move after he completed a question. The stories that he told me about his life broke my heart. He broke my heart.

Then the principal comes in and slaps a Bible study curriculum in my hands and tells me that i’m going to teach the lesson at the end of the day. I ended up in a room with three girls. One of them is one of my junior high girls from FBC Bryan and the other two didn’t give a flying rip about Bible study. They made fun of Jesus. My Jesus. To my face and I was in shock. They told me that they know how to shoot up heroine because their father’s did it. Their fathers. The one man who determines so much in a girl’s life. One had been in foster care for five years.

We were supposed to talk about speaking with purity but how do you tell someone that they should refrain from cussing/gossiping/mean talk when they don’t understand the basis of your argument (the Bible)? I don’t think I’ve ever met someone who actually was apathetic about their life. I mean, I’ve met people who don’t like their life but they don’t think that they need to change it. But these girls really don’t care. The study ended up with me sitting and watching them while they talked amongst themselves (not about the Bible.)

The day ended in tears for me. I am broken. I know God is teaching me how to deal with people that don’t accept the Bible as a basis for Truth because they have no faith yet. I know that God is teaching me to rely on His strength because today I proved that I cannot do it on my own. I know that God is teaching me to succomb to His plans and not mine. But it hurts.

I don’t struggle enough I think. I’m used to normal days. Days like this bring me back to reality and for that I am thankful. Instead of giving up, I’m going to look foward to growing in the Lord through these things. I’m striving to rejoice in my sufferings and it hurts. But I know that this is not to punish me, but to mold me. Put me in the kiln, I’m almost ready.

6 thoughts on “

  1. struggle is such a blessing, you’ve told me that before. you’ll be okay, your eyes are being opened. i love you too.

  2. Thank you for sharing that.  So many times I refuse to spend time with people that aren’t Christian enough and use that as cop-out to be what I am called to be.  You are such an amazing person and I know Christ will use this time of hurt and frustration to mold you into being more like Him.  Our life is not an end, its a means to give Christ glory!

  3. I am so proud of you for even trying! Yes, there is a point where you no longer throw pearls before swine (so to speak) or brush the dust from your feet as you leave an unreceptive town (so to speak), but you should always try!A certain verse took my breath away the other night. It was God talking about wicked Israel, but it could most certainly reflect the way He must feel about us right now:
    “…they have become great and grown rich.They have grown fat, they are sleek:Yes, they surpass the deeds of the wicked:They do not plead the cause,the cause of the fatherless:Yet they prosper,And the right of the needy they do not defend.Shall I not punish them for these things?says the Lord.’Shall I not avenge Myself on sucha nation as this?’   Jer. 5:27-29
    Now I’m not going all Pat Robertson or Ray Nagin here and looking for ways He’s punishing us, but we certainly we need to take His message to heart and change our ways. Keep up the good work! Fight the good fight!
    P.S. I *do* secretly think that Bethy is going to look cute with her pierced nose…

  4. I’d like to talk to you about that friend who misunderstood your gift. I’m sorry your day blew beans. I for one am glad your are being spoken to. I’m certain that this isn’t the first time you’ve heard this message, but I’m glad to hear you’re finally listening. Grow, Beth. Grow.

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