I’ve been reading this fascinating piece of quality literature. It’s called Beth’s Diary. It is pink and it has a dalmation on it. PS- all grammatical errors are the purposeful.

On the cover: My class is smart but I’m smarter. The end.

July 1, 1992 (Six years old)

The Dog I hab once

I hab a dog. He was a sweet dog. Then one day my sweet dog was ded. and you and me wood be sad.

July 1, 1992

If i hab a cat

If I hab a cat i’d paint it’s legs pink. I’d spatter it blue all over.

I had a fish but then it is beb (ded).

Feb 26, 1993

I am almost the smartest one in the class. Brandon M. is the smartest one in the class and the grossest.

November 6, 1993

Dear Diary, I have really improved in handwriting [written barely illegible]. I have a boyfriend [never really a boyfriend]. his name is Chad. I like him to.

2/28/94

Chad Loudermilk and Marshall Morris both like me. Their very cute. Both of them. Chad’s cute and Marshall’s funny. How do I know they like me? You see it all started when I asked my dad to know when a boy likes you. He said “When he teases you. Why?” I changed the subject. So now the word “tease” is very serious to me.

9/1/05

Beth’s Christmas List

Stuff for Addy and Felicity

Beads

Key chains

Personel

Chad

pretty face [which i don’t remember wanting]

Leah to 2 years old

Brett

Andy

1/2/96

I was chasin Ian and so was Jessica. Jessica and I caught him and I tripped and fell flat on my face and now I have a peanut butter nose. I am going to vote for Bob Dole cause Bill Clinton is a freak show.

4/12/96

Leah started a diary. Here is what it is:

I do not like Ariel.

I do not like Heidi

Brian is a dweeb.

3/9/97

I spent the night with Emily last night and she asked complicated questions. I like to put things in a different way so I’ll put these questions in a play-like form.

Q (Emily): Do you believe in the devil?

A(Beth): I believe in an evil force.

Q: Do you think Methodists are laid back?

A: Oh yeah.

Q: Why do bad things happen to good people?

A: I can’t explain. I’m not God, Emily.

6/1/97

Dear Di,

Today in the name of God, I am a juniior higher. They kidnapped us at 7:00 and took us to the Kettle and had breakfast. I also went to the mid high sunday school class. Debbie taught us. We got a turtle named Delilah.

 

Okay, kids. Ta-ta for now. I have one more section to do but I’m older so it’s mostly the juicy stuff.