Fun / The Duplex

Step 1: Find a Realtor

I’m in love. With our realtor. She sealed the deal when she asked, “Who’s driving the bus in this decision?” and then secretly pointed at me and mouthed, You, you, you while Alex was hemming and hawing about who makes the financial decisions. This woman gets it. At that point, I said “WHERE’S THE DOTTED LINE (that I had to sign twice because I’m stupid and don’t know where to sign on things unless you point with your finger or make an X), SISTER?” Oh, and she also happens to be the very same woman who saved Alex that one time that he was stupid and had a heat stroke on the bike trail. As she put it, how’s that for getting prospective clients? I can see the headline now: Rash of Realtors Scouring Dallas Bike Trails Looking to Save Lives in Exchange for Future Commissions.

I know that your head is probably still spinning from our abrupt change in life plans but don’t say I didn’t warn you. We’re ready to settle in for the long haul and live life in Dallas. So…a house. One that we can pay off (eventually) and have more money to spend on other people. I know that I’ve been railing on how Americans spend their money lately. Don’t worry, I still will but if we can put our money towards something that we can build equity in, instead of throwing $900 at someone else every month, I don’t see any issues.  Then, we can have more control over where our funds are going and what’s being done with them. Also, it wouldn’t hurt to have more space for  ministry since at our current home groups, it’s like, well, shoving 30 people into a small space and then expecting them to enjoy it. We want more space, preferably closer to UTD so that we can have more access to our students.

There are some push/pull factors that are coming into play here (that would be pushing us out of the duplex/pulling us towards a new house).

Of course, the real pull factor behind this is that we feel like this is what God wants.  He wants us to be stable for our future budding family and to use our space to reach out to people.  I don’t know that I need to say much more because this reason seems self-explanatory.

Ah, the duplex, though, has a great deal of push factors.  To be honest, it’s not all the duplex’s fault. Gracie has done her fair share of depreciating the value. To be honest, it looks like we hired a contractor who came in and tore up the carpet in two places, gnawed on some miniblinds, punched a hole through the plastic panels on our window A/C unit, and then left us. We’re still in the process of recovering from her little endeavors.

(If you’re wondering, the solution was to buy a kennel. She doesn’t love it but she doesn’t hate it either. And before you feel sorry for her, let me tell you that I pulled open the bedroom curtains and wedged them between the kennel and the wall so that she could see out during the day. When I came home, she had pulled the curtain into the kennel and shredded it to bits. So…I’m not feeling sorry for her. If you still feel bad, you’re welcome to host her while at work so that she can chew on whatever her little heart desires in YOUR home.)

But I digress- back to why the duplex is stupid. The first and most important fact here being that we have to pass an adoption home study, which is where someone comes and combs through your house looking for exposed wires and other fun safety hazards. I can see it now:

1. Did the previous tenant self-install satellite dishes causing you to have thick, possibly live electrical, wires running through your closet that could clothesline you at any given moment? Yes.

2. Does it look like a rat has gnawed on the cabinetry under the sink and the wiring under one of your kitchen burners? Yes.

3. Do you keep your plunger in it’s very own bathroom cabinet because what’s laying on the floor of the cabinet is worse than anything that plunger has been through? Yes.

4. Do your windows utilize what can only be called “paper glass” and would bust into a million pieces if you slam the door too hard? Yes.

5. Is there a large, gaping hole in the back of your bathroom door that looks like a) a woodpecker set up shop there or b) Arnold Schwarzenegger smacked his head into it? Yes.

6. Is there some sort of bug infestation in your guest bathroom that causes small flying insects to accumulate in the globe of the light above the toilet- so much so that you have to empty it periodically? Could this possibly be caused by a dead possum in the attic? Yes and yes.

Also, the kitchen light. Oh, the kitchen light. When we moved in, you had to flip the lightswitch in the kitchen approximately 83 times before the light would come on. When we called the handy-dandy fixer service, the rude man that came out refused to replace the ballast because the light would come on eventually. (If you ask me what a ballast is, I’ll poke you in the eye socket). When I told him that it was very annoying to have to call the service to come out and I would rather have him just fix it now, he replied that it was annoying for him to have to come out too (insinuating that I was annoying him for having him come out to fix things) to which I replied, “Well, it’s your job” to which he replied, “Uh, I know that, ma’am.” We were both feeling very feisty that day so I made him leave because there was no level headed person there to keep us from scratching each other’s eyes out. Then, Alex would have come home to two angry blind people standing in a dark kitchen.

ANYWAY, the light had been working intermittently but now it’s back to not wanting to come on when you flip the switch. So we spend lots of time in a dark kitchen.

“See, adoption case worker? I can use this giant knife in the dark without chopping off any major appendages! Awesome!”

Buckle your seatbelts, folks. It’s time to move.

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