Hello all. I’m sitting here on my butterfly chair on my porch waiting for it to rain and I feel the need for a heart to heart. I went on one of my philosophical run/walks so I have alot to say.
I am at an awkward transition phase in my life. College itself is awkward because we become semi-independent. We live separate from our parents but based on recent first job experiences, we know that we cannot support ourselves yet. I am getting trained in something that I am excited about doing (i.e. being international) but that is all it is: training. It’s transitionial and it’s weird.
I am engaged. I don’t think I can express clearly to you the extent of my desire to just get married this weekend. Josh and I are in transition. We are getting ready to live the rest of our lives together but not quite yet. How does that work? What does that look like? I don’t really know.
Finally, and most importantly at the moment, I am in a spiritual transition. In a relatively short amount of time (i.e. 2 months), God has completely transformed my faith and the basis of it. I find myself questioning the necessity of things that I once deemed quite necessary. I am understanding freedom and fellowship and church in completely different ways. I am learning and understanding more about God daily. And I feel that I’m in a transition. I am learning more about God but I am not quite sure what to do with it yet. It’s frusterating. I feel that I am on the verge of a really amazing breakthrough but I don’t quite know how to get there. Did I mention its’ frusterating?
I feel like I’m wasting life. I feel like all I do is shop and work and hang out. That’s not enough for me. I want more. I want more, I want more.
I am sure that this transition will not last forever. After all, I will finish college. I will eventually get married (maybe at the Palace Theatre!!) And I will even learn how to take my new Spirit fed knowledge and use it for the glory of God. Just not right now.