Hi baby-
Right after I told my parents we were adopting, your grandmother (we want her to be called “Flossie” but she’s not going for it) told me that it is hard to watch your kids go through hard stuff. Even though they’re excited for us, they knew that adoption is a hard journey.
Oh my goodness, was she ever right.
You know what I’ve learned lately? You won’t ever truly be mine. Sure, God has asked me and your dad to raise you but we can’t control things. God has entrusted us with the care of your precious little life but ultimately, He is in control. Sure, I would like for things to move on my timeline, go my way, follow my plan, but I have learned that I have to give you to Him and that is one of the hardest, most difficult things He has asked me to do.
Nope, it doesn’t make sense to me that you would linger where you are any longer than never . I don’t understand why we have to wait. I don’t understand why you have to wait.
I just have to trust. And I’m having a really hard time with it.
You aunt Leah, who likes to send me things that MAKE ME CRY, sent me this sermon the other day. It’s actually a really excellent sermon about the basics of Christian orphan care; he definitely doesn’t sugarcoat the adoption process and I like that. I actually made it through the whole thing without crying. I wanted to see if I could find a picture of his family so I googled “Aaron Ivey”. He’s in a band, of course, and he wrote a song for his Haitian son while they were waiting to bring him home, of course. I listened to it, of course.
Here’s the order of what happened:
1) I pushed play.
2) About 10 seconds in, I teared up.
3) About second 55, I start weeping openly standing in my kitchen. Gracie the dog just stares at me.
3) I can’t even make it through the whole thing. I go back and fall at the foot of my bed and sob.
This song is beautiful. It’s particularly meaningful because at this point, for reasons we aren’t ready to make public, we are finding it hard to know how to pray or what to pray for. But, whatever happens, however God sees fit to make this happen, this is my prayer for you.
Amos Story
by Aaron Ivey
Another sleepless night on concrete featherbed
These thoughts of you like bullets to my soul
We’ve got to find a way to get you home
If it takes my fleeting breath
Another sunrise hits the ground
And it’s a dark lonely sight
Lightyears away I hope you know
There is somebody searching
For the way to get you here
A day will come when all of this is gone
If it takes my fleeting breath
Another sunrise hits the ground
And it’s a dark lonely sight
Lightyears away I hope you know
There is somebody searching
For the way to get you here
I will get you here
As angels hold you tight, may you sleep in peace tonight
Hear the whisperings of hope
Sweet girl, tonight, I pray that you close your eyes and dream of a better day with me.
I’ll find a way to get you home.
Love, mom
(To read more letters to my daughter, click here.)
welderbeth 